We’ve all heard the adages, “Patience is a virtue”; “Good things come to those who wait”; and just plain old “Be patient”, but what do these really mean? What does it truly mean to be patient and how can we be more patient?
To be honest, it’s taken me a long time to be able to even write about this topic, as I humbly admit that I am not known for my inherent patience. However, I have long since realized the value of being patient, so I have made it a priority to be mindful of this virtue and try to embody it as much as possible.
Yet, despite its importance, being patient is difficult. After all, how could it not be? In addition to a certain level of innate impatience that we probably all have, our society today is the antithesis of patience; our schedules are hectic; we are fueled by instant gratification and quick fixes; with the help of mobile technology, everything is readily available anywhere we go; fast-food and convenience shopping dominate the industries; advertisers and doctors alike promise “change-over-night” solutions.
Still, we must find our way to patience, for it is one of the core principles that help us lay the foundation for being content and happy in our lives, because from patience stems mindfulness (being present), tranquility, gratitude, compassion and understanding.
Perhaps the best place to begin this journey is to define what patience is and what it is not.
What patience is:
- Calm
- Persevering
- Tolerant
- Understanding
- Compassionate
- Mindful
- Hopeful
What patience is not:
- Impulsive
- Complaining
- Judgmental
- Pessimistic
- Hasty
- Frantic
- Anxious
Keeping those basic characteristics of patience in mind, I believe that it will also be valuable to go one step further and divide patience into three categories:
- Patience with Others
- Patience with the Universe
- Patience with Self
To help us further our understanding of patience and learn how to put patience into action in our lives, let’s now take an in-depth look at each of these categories.
Patience with Others
When we work to have patience with others, we are cultivating relationships, portraying love instead of resentment or judgment, and strengthening the patience within, and toward, your Self, as well.
However, having patience with all Beings can be challenging, so where do we start? Well, we can start by showing someone compassion and understanding. This can start by putting yourself in their shoes, or by trying to think about what they may be going through, or have been through, in their life that is shaping their actions today. In other words, try to understand where that individual is coming from before you judge them.
Instead of judgment, turn that same energy that you save from not judging someone else into compassion and understanding. Instead of getting frustrated and bitter with the person, use this compassion and understanding to take a moment, take a deep breath, and explain that concept again, do that extra, “silly” little thing for them, or be an active and present listener when they speak to you.
By doing this, you are setting aside your beliefs and assumptions about how something should be done, or how somebody should act, and you are practicing acceptance and love. Additionally, you’re presenting yourself with opportunities to grow and expand your mind, because who knows? Maybe you’ll learn something new by listening fully to them, or catch something you had previously overlooked by taking a moment to re-explain a concept to them. Because when you’re patient with others, the Universe will present you with limitless opportunities.
Patience with the Universe
Having patience with the Universe can be a very broad subject; however, to me, this means that you allow events to occur naturally; that you not expect change to happen overnight, and that you understand that all things happen for a reason, even if that reason is not immediately apparent.
Acquiring this type of patience requires that we focus on what is, not the what ifs, or the what could have beens. We need to be able to take a step back and see things for how they are and not force something to happen that may just not be meant to be. We have to trust that we are where we are for a reason and we will get to where we need to be in due time.
In the meantime, we must extract the lesson(s) that can be learned from present situations, or reflect upon how past events have prepared us to deal with “today”. Additionally, we must persevere and not become discouraged or frustrated when things don’t go as planned. We have to find the newly opened door when one closes, or work just a little harder to reach our goals. At the end of the day, the important thing is that we are able to say that we’ve done all that we can do. After that, we must be patient and leave it up to the Universe to do the rest, because we’ve done the best we can and that is enough, even if others say differently.
Patience with Self
Do you ever have these (or similar) internal thoughts?
- “Ugh, I’m so stupid. “Why can’t I just ____ already??” or
- “Things will never be different. I’ll never change.”
I know I do. As someone who prides himself on being a quick learner and tries to always be mindful and positive, I often feel frustrated with myself for not catching on to a concept quick enough, or for participating in negative self-talk. However, what I have learned is that we have to be gracious and forgiving, kind and loving to ourselves. Instead of dwelling on what we’ve done wrong in that moment, or focusing on how long it’s taking to see desirable results, we must remember to give ourselves credit for the small accomplishments that we’ve already had, and remain hopeful for what we will achieve, or where we will end up.
Building patience with ourselves also requires us to persevere and be persistent. Change does not happen overnight; change takes time and effort. At times, you’ll come across adversity; sometimes this adversity will seem too great to overcome. But do not let this get you down. Be patient with yourself, be patient with the Universe, and be patient with others to come through for you. Keep moving forward and continue to keep your end-goal in mind.
And one day you’re going to wake up and begin your day, only to stop and realize later that you didn’t have that craving or urge that you’ve been trying to quit. You’re going to try to do that difficult task once more, or give that difficult concept a look-over once more, and realize that you finally get it. You’re going to respond to that person or handle that situation the way you’ve been trying to all along. You’re going to catch that break, or make that one connection, or gain that perspective that will change your life forever. With patience, persistence and self-love, we will one day wake up to find that we have achieved our goals.
What techniques or thoughts do you use to help you be patient?